No Title
by WhisperOfLuv
Summary: Chapter9 Updated//My first fic. probably the last: slash warning Christian/Chris Jericho. Now it's Rated M! READ AND REVIEW! desclaimer:I dont own anything!
1. Chapter 1

**I just came up with this at 5 in the morning. I just can say that I'm not thinking **_**straight**_** :)**

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With a slight crook on my brows, I let my eyes open and see the darkened room. Barely audible gasp came from the parted lips, and a feeling of sudden discomfort made me grab the end of my pillow. But then I found the beautiful silhouette sleeping very next to mine. Now every tensed muscle of my body gets relieved a little.

I still have him. 'Cause I have still have him within my reach.

As if I wanted to make sure of it, trying hard not to wake him up I let my fingers slowly run down his soft skin, Feeling the sense of his warmth, now I am brushing his lips then his chin. It was then he suddenly opened his eyes with a light body shake.

"Huh......Jeez! You scared the shit out of me!" His hoarse voice was filled with obvious annoyance.

But he wasn't the only one who jumped here. It took a bit for me too to come myself again.

I must have startled him out of his peaceful dream.

"Sorry. Jay. Never meant to awake you or anything. Baby. Just go back to your sleep. okay? I'm really sorry." Again My hand gently touched his arm to comfort him.

"Why didn't you drive home anyway? I told you I'm too damn sensitive to share my bed with anyone." His arm bluntly slipped out of my grip though.

He's right. I was supposed to leave his bed after making love to him. It was his only rule.

I said nothing but sat up on the edge of his bed. I have to say that I was expecting him to get angry, but his words are still bitter and rather harsh.

Maybe it was my silence that irritated him even more. Apparently now he's not in a mood for going asleep anymore, he got out of bed and turned on the light.

"You really want me to go over this, again, Chris? I don't need your after sex cuddling up out of intimacy or affection whatsoever!"

At first, both of us seemed to be entirely satisfied with this so-called friends of benefit agreement. It was me messed the whole thing up and started to want some more of him. As time goes by, it just grew to be this much unbearable that I can't hide anything from him. This is so pathetic. It's all fucked up. I'm even spending restless nights these days because of him.

"Jay. Listen.......really feel sorry for tonight.......It's just......I don't wanna force you into anything. I'll just be going. Get back to your sleep."

"It's not just about tonight. You've been acting like you're so in love with me. I think It's no more working for me. Chris. I'd rather screw with conscienceless assholes."

My mind just became blank. His every word came shot through my chest like a bullet. But i'm just feeling numb. nothing. Now I am barely breathing with my bleeding heart.

That's it. It's just that easy for him. Because, To him, I mean nothing more than a fuck buddy.


	2. Chapter 2

**Apparently, English is not my first language. **

**(Though I know this can't be a good excuse enough to cover my poor writing, ashamedly)**

**I have to admit that my mind is always haunted with the delusions of all about Jay and Chris. (SOMETIMES for Jay and Adam, too :P)!!!**

**Yup I'm spoiled =( **

**My execution is still embarrassing. (especially, compared to the great great stories out there)**

**But thanks to your generous reviews! (for TJ sparkles and glamagirl : I'm your (invisible T_T) huge fan!) **

**I decided to write some more definitely!! :D**

**It will be not that long; maybe few more chapters to come, I hope!**

**-Enough with whining**

**For a while, I was in trouble finding the way to put following scenes out, after the last one.**

**Maybe I'll just ignore the sequence of time, It will be like pieces of puzzle; (I guess it's pretty much of my limit)**

**Chapter 2 will be the very beginning of the two, Chris and Jay's story. Please Read and Review! (I need them for any improvement)**

**

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"Hey, you're missing out all the fun! you sure you want to just sit here drinking beer not rock the night away?"

It was an average club. Loud music was throbbing in the beats, fillin' the place with the dazzling lighting effects and haze of cigarette smoke. Just back at his seat, Adam plucked me by the sleeves. He was hyper-excited that he couldn't rest himself for a bit, but stood up again.

"I feel ooooold. Adam. Too damn tired. Probably tonight's not my night, I guess." I felt like rather being stuck with the table alone than embarrassing myself with him.

"Alright. Senior." At last he let go of my arm and turned back.

"Adam! Where the hell is Jay?" I stopped him, after failed to look for Jason around. When did he leave the table anyway?

"I don't know. He was with Jake a while ago." Adam shrugged. Who's Jake?

"You know. the Sthwagger guy on ECW. I saw them talking near the bar." For my confused look, Adam replied.

Left all alone again, I nodded. Maybe I must have been so lost in thought even not knowing most of the crowd already went out of the club. They may have gone up to their rooms for tomorrow's schedule, the last day on our tour in this city.

When watchin' Adam dancing up and down - flirting, to be exact - with an unknown female on the dance floor, I felt my cell vibrating in the pocket. Checking the caller ID, my heart started pounding. Home?! At this late? Is something up? I stood up right away, almost ran to the corridor to find quieter place.

"Hello?"

".......D...."

"Hello? Jess?"

It was still hard to hear anything from the other side because of the noisy music, went into the men's room at the end of the corner.

"Dad!"

"ASH?!"

My eyes widened, recognizing the familiar voice heard from it. My dear five-year-old boy was on the phone.

"You still on the road, dad? When you coming?"

"Ash! Is everything alright?!" I couldn't hide worries away in my voice, It was the first time Ash called me by himself.

"Yes. I just brushed my teeth before go to bed. I asked Jamie please please make a call to my dad!" Thank god, his voice said okay. I rubbed my forehead and let out a little sigh of relief.

"Jamie? You mean the one living next to ours? Where's mom?" The girl had been babysitting my kids from time to time. I looked at time. It was almost 11. It was too late for Ash to be still up.

"Yea. Mom went out with uncle David. Tonight Jamie took in charge."

"ugh. I see." I had also been introduced to David once in person. I remembered she had told me there would be a special occasion with him in this week. I just had had no idea that it was today. I stepped into one toilet and sat on the cover.

"When you're going to come home, dad? I just can't sleep I miss dad so much." At that very moment, I got stuck for a word for a while. I wished i had left all things behind and run home, held him in my arms tightly.

"It's all my bad. Ash. I promise I'll make it up to you when I get home on this Saturday. OK?" I could just close my eyes and imagine his excited look. His image in my head was so perfect.

"Promise. Dad"

"How are your baby sisters? Ash?"

"They're sleeping." Just thinking about the loved ones made me can't stop smiling.

"Good boy. Now it's time for you to go to sleep. Goodnight, Ash. Before hangin' up please put Jamie on the phone."

"Night. Pa."

Even though I knew that the hard day was pretty much over for Jamie, just to make sure, i became a very anxious father and checked several things to do for the kids twice or more. Also expressing my thanks to her, I hung up the phone.

This thing, family, is really strange.

Even if you're thousands miles away from them, you just can feel like they're right next you. You can see their faces, hear their voices around your ears, feel the touches of them, even smell their own scents.

However, like it can be the strongest, at the same time it can be the fragilest one of all. How contradictory.

Just say it. There's no more Chris and Jessica in our lives, anymore.

No one can't say we haven't tried our very best to pull it off and make things right.

But We could never get back to when the things like they were before in the beginning, or the least when it was okay enough to just hold on..

We're now too exhausted throughout strugglin' and denyin' all phases we had gone through just to find or make the perfect ideal family in ours.

I don't know when exactly things started to go off the track. Lastly, Jess and I both accepted the fact that we're done and off with each other.

Another thing, separation. it's clearly convenient. For those who are wrecked much. Who barely cling to each other.

You don't have to undergo shitty divorce papers, attorneys, and court battles for property.

And the most importantly, for My kids, you can prevent putting your precious children into the worst situations, which can be any kind of possible harms for them.

We've settled down to have some time and distance between us, let all the rest be still.

It seems that Jessica also does feel no need to end our marriage for good.

She's now casually seeing the David guy. But she doesn't ever intend to marry him again or something. At least, not by now.

It's done talking 'cuz i don't feel anything near jealousy about her new relationship, If it doesn't jeopardize our happiness, I just want her best.

I must have spaced out here in all my thought again for so long, These days, I always end up this way.

I almost startled with a door's loud bangin' sound. It brought a small piece of loud music from the outer space for a second, then immediately faded away.

Before I dare walked out of the toilet to see what had happened there, sounds of disordered footsteps barely managed to get whoever themselves up on their feet, continuously bumping into the walls and toilet doors several times.

I believed there must have been a brawl just behind the wall i was at.

Then I heard a click, locking the door of the men's room.

I had no idea what i got myself into. No. It was actually them who rushed into and kept me inside the toilet. I was literally hesitating whether I make myself outta here or not. All my senses on what was happening out there, first I could hear fluttering sound made by some clothes, maybe by discarding the clothes. Sound of suppressed moans under rough breaths, also I could hear them passionately kissing each other, with their tongues sucking all out.

What the hell!!!!! Clearly, they were making out in the middle of the public restroom.

Not that I had never heard of those reckless rather impatient lovers, awkwardly stuck in the middle of it with no options given to walk out or anything, it would've been the last thing i wanted in this life or even in the next.

For Christ's sake, lucky for me, they totally indulged themselves in it, even didn't bother to check anyone is here.

.

Maybe they like the way playin' it rough. They didn't seem to mind hurting themselves with all those rattling and knocking sounds. Finally they might have taken their spots somewhere - thinking the direction and distance where the noises coming from, it would probably be on the counter in front of the big mirror. Finally they parted their lips and a man of the couple sniffled and giggled, panting his breaths.

"....huh......if you just kept teasin' me... the way you did?.....I was going to tear your shirts off in front of everyone.,,,Don't you think I wouldn't dare do it?"

The tone was somewhat familiar, but I couldn't tell precisely where i heard this husky, young and rather cocky voice from.

It was then. That everything went all weird. While I was fully into the ongoing situation outside, I heard the much more familiar voice and uncontrollable laugh from someone this time who i really well know of.

"Hahahah. I never thought you're makin' a lousy talker when you're doin' it. Jake."

I just couldn't believe my ears. NO Fuckin' WAY!

It was my best friend, Jason.

(continues)

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**P.S after writing about phone call between Chris and his kid.....................somehow I feel really bad. almost feeling GUILTY about it T_T.......**

**Do you think it's bad, too?**

**but i had no idea other than this phone call to drag Chris into the very TOILET. (maybe 'cuz I'm sooo stupid!!)**

**I mean! He doesn't even smoke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! T_T **


	3. Chapter 3

**Whoooooooooooa! What's REALLY going on my mind now =(**

**If I just let it proceed from the first chapter, this story will end up like hardcore angst T_T (Though it's NOT serious AT ALL by now) It could be.**

**WARNING: This is now rated M for a reason; M/M slash. Run away while you can.**

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I almost spoke his name out loud in shock before I covered my mouth. I mean, I thought I knew down to the last detail of him.

He's been my dearest friend for ages I was confident that there's nothing I hide from him, and for him vice versa.

_Is he gay?_

I'd say No, it couldn't be him! But the voice coming from outside and my hearing surely verified it was Jason. Also, Adam said he saw him with the guy named Jake.

I was damn sure my look would have seem the most idiotic, abstracted in the whole world.

Just a moment after it, I was forcefully dragged out of the ridiculous confusion. I heard a clicking sound of metal pieces, probably their belt buckle's, then the clothes slid down through their legs.

Suddenly the influence of liquor made the heart pump up blood furiously, even enough for me to feel dizzy in my brain.

I touched the heated face of mine with the back of the hand, it was almost burning hot. I was even sweating myself.

The worst thing was I just couldn't get the image of Jay giving himself to another man outta my head. I've known him so well for so long that I certainly could tell what he would look like just at the moment, even with my eyes closed. For sure, It was _so_ not right.

With the head tilted back his eyes squeezed shut, Jay's face, flushed chicks would be glaring in sweat under the dim light of the room. Biting the lower lip more likely for restraining himself not to cry out louder in pleasure. Low, soft moans coming out between the small breaks of Jay's beautiful lips, heating up the space instantly. Running his fingertips on the younger man's bare skin, caressing, ..............._Oh my, Jesus Christ!_

_What's happening to me?_

I gripped my thighs with force, feeling the pants got uncomfortably tightened. Obviously the thought of him was turning me on.

_This is not happening right now!_

Of course I'd never pictured of him till then, actually it was the first time I ever thought of a guy this way.

I needed hardly mention I'd been raised and lived my entire life in heterosexual world.

So the weirdest experience was rather terrifying than just confusing. Maybe it was all because of alcohol in my system, or it's..............

_YES_. For months, I'd been living in complete solitude. Thanks to the busy schedules and tiredness, lack of interest.

I could blame my desire and frustrations all for the tricks making me embarrassed at the very moment in a way of silent protest.

"Ohh fuck!...............Jake.............God!"

And clearly, Jason was not helping at all.

The sound only went more intense by minute.

At some point finally giving myself in. I just couldn't help but shutting my eyes, lost in my wildest imagination, slowly stroking the crotch over my jeans.

I let go of all of my reason, without thinking it twice, I thought it was his touch.

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Minutes after Jay and Jake finally broke away from each other left the room, I could make myself out of it. Cold water helped me to pull myself together again, taking a little time to compose my thoughts afterward.

I walked back to the table where Adam was sitting alone at. He snapped when he saw me coming at once.

"Where the fuck you've been at?"

"Sorry, man. I felt sick in my stomach, went out for a while."

Giving a glance around the club to find Jay with no worth, Adam frowned. He becomes even more babbling than usual when drunken.

"And where 's Jay? You guys are just unbelievable." He raised his hands like a sign of surrender.

I heard Adam and Jay have always been best friends since the sixth grade. Does he know Jay is gay?

"What? Something on my face?" At my glassy eye, Adam asked, wiping his face with a hand.

"No. Nothing. Just......Did you ever know that Jay is..........."

"What about him? I Know what?"

I could hardly let the words out. Impatiently he asked me back, urging me to take up the subject. He rolled his eyes at me.

Maybe he has no idea about it.

"Nah,.........never mind."

"BORING!" He returned to his drink, then emptied the bottle.

"I'll head up to the room. You?"

"Yeah, right. Jay must've drunken fallen over the bed or something. You share the room with him?"

Fucking GREAT. I nearly forgot. I wished I wouldn't have to encounter him soon enough. It must be awkward for me to see him right after the happening in the men's room.

Mercifully, it is a two bedded room though. Plus, Jay has no idea that I kinda witnessed the whole thing between him and Jake.

Adam and I stepped out to the hotel lobby, narrowly got into the elevator which was about to be closed. Hitting the buttons, Adam smirked.

"You know what, Chris. maybe Jay met the love of his life tonight, must have ended up gettin' laid or something. Lucky bastard."

"Maybe." I nodded. As I thought, Adam still has no idea.

"Don't sob all night under the pillow, 'cuz you're left alone. Okay?" Before he got off on his floor, He gave me a toothy grin. "Just get lost!" I replied with a forced smile.

The doors closed, it started moving again. I leaned my head back on the wall with my eyes closed, and sighed.

What if Jay were in the room awake? What if he knew I was in the same room with him?

_ No way. It couldn't be._

I shook my head in trouble then heard a bell ring, kicked out of the elevator. Walking through the hallway, I stopped in front of the hotel room.

Taking a deep breath, I opened the door.

"Jay?"

The room was still dark. Only the vague moonlight slid inside through the windows.

Jay must have decided to spend a night out.

I felt at ease again, then somehow exhausted to death. Not even bother to turn light on, I walked straight into the bathroom. Preparing the warm bath, I took off the clothes, let my body sunk in the bathtub. I felt my body loosened, almost relaxed into sleep.

Then, the thought of tonight's earlier incident rushed upon my head again.,

_Is it gonna change a thing about my friendship with him? _

_It's not about him being gay. It is about me who fantasized about getting with him, even though I was pushed to the limit under the most unlikely circumstances._

_What's the big deal? If I can just keep this secret to my grave, there'll be no harm. _

_Anyway, does it make me gay, too? OR Is this just normal to find another man attractive even for a straight male?_

_Is it like a short phase? Was I just all hot and bothered like in a fidget?_

It must've been a while I set my mind to this endless chain of thoughts. Holding the side of the tub, I slowly closed my eyes, tilting my head back.

Then I could see him of beautiful features, again. I didn't want to shut it out from me at least for a moment.

Whether it's right or wrong, it will only stay in my head for tonight. Probably it must be gone the next day.

I felt like his heavy breaths and moaning sound echoing around my ears. I gently wrapped my fingers around my now aching erection then gave it a few strokes.

Just his images in my head were enough to drive me mad. It gave me a sensual shiver from my shoulders right down to the spine. I bit my lip and let out a melting moan.

It was then. As soon as I felt the soft touch of his fingers brushing the wet hair on my forehead back, Jay gently kissed me on my lips, even before I startled off the tub.

(continues)

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**I'll just run away at the speed of light, leaving you guys here with this crap :P**

**Oh one question! Should I leave it with no title? I have no idea yet!**


	4. Chapter 4

**This time, it is short. And I don't know it worked out well enough;;;;;;;; *lock myself in the basement***

**Like I told before, it's my first time to write these (only-supposed-to-be) hot scenes! Oh my.... (thank god it's pretty much an end)**

**It's HHHAAAARRRRDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (That's why I admire those brilliant slash writers more :D)**

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Jay was down on his knees on the tiles, beside me in the tub. Since his kiss and touches were very gentle and caring, at first I hardly could think of a thing yet, only dumbfounded.

Like my brain totally became unmindful of its duty and shut down, I helplessly stopped still, being kissed while holding my breath.

Seemingly he did make no sound in his way to walk in the bathroom with the door opened, or maybe it was my fault failed to concentrate much on any other things.

I bet WHAT caught his eyes was also a great shock for him, and surprisingly it somehow managed him take a further step here.

Does it make me even now? Fuck! God, I was in the middle of something far more than just in a regular bath. I felt my blood running up to my face turning it flaming red.

Needless to say, I thought I was in complete isolation, never expecting my damn private moment to be invaded like this by anyone.

Though Jason was one of the few people who know every inch of me, also had already seen enough of me naked in the showers like millions of times before. right at the moment I wished I could have vanished as by magic out of his sight.

_This should be a fuckin' dream!_

.

But these thoughts were all pushed to the back of my head in the very next second. Between my lips slightly opened in surprise, his hot tongue slid in, then playfully met up with mine.

I tried to push him back, fighting hard not to let go of the last grip of my reason. However, it turned out a powerless and weak protest, simply grabbed by the wrists before they reached him.

And Hell, maybe I didn't really mean to stop it at all. I just had never known how wonderful his kiss would ever felt in my mouth.

The idea of kissing my best male pal Jason didn't bother me at all.

_I'm now like in a state of temporary insanity or something._

Almost suffocated with his skillful tease, I nearly gasped for air, groaning in his. Even the heart was throbbing insanely with my deepening desire.

It was all my body went feverish, without shame.

As the kiss turned more passionate, I wanted so badly to pull him in then taste more of him till the end. As if knowing I wouldn't resist him anymore, he freed my hand at last.

More than happily I ran my fingers through his hair, ensuring him that I was really enjoying it. I could heard Jay almost smirked under his rough breath.

His hand leisurely trailed down from my shoulder to the forearm, then my waist, deeply awakening the lust buried down underneath my flesh. Indeed, both of us didn't care his sleeve getting soaked in the water.

Tickling my lower abs, his fingers were running downside making my groin twitch. Feeling like my heart just dropped down to the floor, it was now my hand grabbed his wrist, stopping him right before going lower.

Our lips broke apart, practically making me be longing to the next one. He saw me directly through the eyes like for the first time, for a moment. Looking into his gorgeously sparkling eyes in wonder, I forgot my speech. I know, how lost I am!

_Just Say something, you idiot!_

Though his gaze was unreadable. it had me completely captivated. His lips back to mine for a short kiss, then it blew a hot breath around my ear.

".......Let me get you hard.........,Chris." He whispered irresistibly, now tenderly biting and nipping my earlobe, gained my approval.

I surrendered, let go of the full control of myself. This was now beyond me. When his fingers curled up around my cock and began slowly moving, the sensation couldn't be compared to anything I've ever felt before.

Stricken by the whole new level of passion flaring up from the very core of my body, I whimpered out his name, apparently encouraging him to go on with it. This was all surreal, too much to handle all at once for me.

Jay needed a few more stokes to carry myself out of me. Resting my forehead on the crook of his shoulder while trying to catch my breath for a while, a mischievous grin quietly placed on his face.

.

Getting to myself again, I had just no idea how could I ever possibly let out right words again after the _experience_ with him. Anyway, I barely managed to pull it out.

"...Th...Thanks." I wanted to bite my tongue off for the stupidest remark on the planet.

_Shit!,_ _Did I just said Thanks to him?_ _What would he say next? You're welcome? What are best friends for?_

Now clearly, I made Jay burst into a laugh, almost with tear in his eyes .

"Did you? Did, Chris Irvine himself really say it? Hahaha, Chris. hah, It's good for me to know, you enjoyed it as much as I did."

I flushed, getting off his grip on my shoulder fast. This thing was embarrassing as hell.

_How could he even be just so conversant with this?! _

.

"So? Is there any chance we get back to this in the near future?"

_Did I hear him right? Does him want this to continue?!_

"Jay. I'm......I'm not gay." After dumbly spaced out for a bit. I mumbled it out at my best.

"I didn't ask if you're gay or not. I don't really care. You sure you don't want _THIS_ anymore?"

His face came close to mine, kissed me hungrily. Remembering its pure excitement, I instinctively closed my eyes again, let him in.

_Fuckkkk! I am way too easy._

Or, he is way too tempting.

As I thought to myself, he broke the kiss and continued. "You should get another shower for this mess. Sorry about that. I'll wait you up outside."

I nodded without words. Jay walked out, finally leaving me alone again in the room. Still then, I had no idea what I got myself agreed with him.

I was so naive enough to believe that there was going to be no pressures but only promising pleasures in it, at least by then.

(continues)

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**P.S. From the next chapter, time starts to jump off to another like crazy.**

**I'm not sure of anything yet though :(**


	5. Chapter 5

**OMG -D-!! Who's gonna be Jericho's new tag team partner?!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **

**(I know, there's no way it would be Christian though :( ****MAYBE Dolph? ****Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! T_T**)

**And, I decided to continue this story as far as I could! OR, I'll suffer from the unleashed craziness in my head =(**

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"Oh, now I get it. Chris, is it your inevitable nature of being sickly sweet?" Guided by a young attractive waitress to our reserved table, Jay gave me a distorted look with disgust, yet in a rather theatrical teasing tone.

As being told, seriously, we were all surrounded by only couples' seats. But the dinnertime of Friday nights usually would be like it everywhere, especially for fancy restaurants like this one.

"Couldn't you shut just the hell up for a minute?" Trying hard to hide a faint smile about my lips, I frowned. Although his lips were still pouting, I knew Jay was feeling much better than we left his room earlier this evening. Before I called him up he must have planned on just being stuck in his room, stuffing himself with more junky meal, probably wasting his time with a stupid remote control. I couldn't help myself laughing silly, seeing him faking whiny complaint over his obviously transparent excitement.

"That's it. I needed nothing but your coarse speech. It's getting much better now!" He breathed out an exaggerated sigh, as if he just had passed through a crisis at the last moment.

"Shut it. We're already getting pretty much of attention here." At last, Jay made a survey of the people around. It wasn't hard to notice the crowd cutting the eyes sidewise at us.

Unfortunately we happened to be sitting almost in the middle of the hall. Of course, they might have no idea that we're both wrestlers from wwe. But needless to say, two men - as well, they might have thought that we're dating - with pale skin and blond hair speaking English among all Japanese were enough to catch the public eye.

"I'm not intimidated. How about spotted we two kissing? Would it make a front page?" Jay smirked. He rather seemed thrilled about it.

In fact, I didn't make up my mind to take him out for a dinner in the first place. Just arriving at the hotel after the hellish 11-hour-long flight to Narita airport this afternoon, I took a quick shower. Finally I was more than happy to settle myself on a single bed in the room and try to have a sweet rest, but strangely I just couldn't. I only kept shifting several times, unwillingly got up. I couldn't watch TV, couldn't read a magazine either, even not a single page from the book I had read on the plane. Solely finding easily distracted, I was wasting my precious vacant hours before the scheduled house show for tomorrow. It wasn't really a time lag nor the feeling like a complete stranger in the middle of nowhere, I'd been here like 40 times or so, since the early 90's. I nearly think it's my second hometown. Nope, actually it's the third.

Then my head came up with Jay, and no wonder. It's been about 2 months we've been, I don't know how I am supposed to to put it into words, maybe just sleeping with? He didn't ever attempt to define what we're having right now other than literally messing around with his best friend. At first I didn't find it bothering at all, it was fine.

_And what about__ now?....................I don't know._

Perhaps it started to worry me a bit. To face it, he's one of the real best friends I have in my whole life. I'd never like to put its life on the line. Apart from the matter of our friendship, if he's in more than one relationship like this with others; as a matter of fact, I accidentally saw with my own eyes there's another. Unless he didn't care enough with it, the outcome would be irreparable. It's a huge risk, might be career-ending also.

_I should have stopped it already a while ago, I guess._

And how absurd! I'm not sure that I'm capable of putting an end to it. I'm not talking about unbelievably mind-blowing sex entirely, though. I don't know. It's what really bothered me lately. Hate to admit this, but in all probability I'm so desperate to immaturely give meanings to everything, even for the pointless fling. Since the very night I learned I was physically attracted to Jay, all things have changed dramatically at a nevertheless slow pace that I couldn't even have noticed it. Let's say I'm feeling just little more than you feel for your best friends in a plain friendship.

"Hey, Chris. You're day dreaming?"

"What?....S..Sorry?" I stammered, realizing I left him alone with the conversation being all in my mind. Meanwhile, I missed all the words he'd been saying.

"Dinner's served. And I asked you why you picked here." Jay wrinkled up his nose, starting his dish set in front of him. Making a mouthful of the steak, Jay grinned in contentment.

"I didn't. I requested to book a table for two in town at the front desk, actually." I shrugged. Smiling inwardly, I just left out the part I asked it to be the finest in Tokyo. "How convenient."

Back at the time alone in my room, I thought of him also be in his room filling in time. He's likely to stay inside than going out in somewhere he doesn't know well about. Besides, Adam's coming by tomorrow's flight. At then I felt my empty stomach, I decided to treat him a nice dinner in downtown. Knowing he was gonna say yes, I called him on the phone.

_So, Here we are._

With the side of my eyes, I made a quick glance of him narrowing the brows all focused on slicing the piece of meat. Just yesterday, I kissed him on the exact spot between them, when we were in the same bed. Right before the climax, I had completely pushed myself into him then before I started slowly moving again, I couldn't help but desperately making an eye contact with him. When I looked up at his face, his brows were narrowed down in pain, with the eyes closed. As if I wanted to ease it, I gently kissed him in the middle of the crook. It was the very next moment that his eyes opened like magically. Locked with each other's sight, we did see the sparks burning in our eyes. There was nothing more needed to be said. I felt like the moment would last forever.

"Shit!" Jay hissed. Finding a newly formed spot on his clothes, like reflexively I stood up from the chair and tried to wipe out the stain with my napkin. "Just sit, I''ll do it." Taking my grip of the napkin, he grumbled.

Sitting back, I watched his long fingers busy with work on his chest. It was no use that something still left a big red mark on his white shirts.

"See? Looks like a gun shot wound or what? And I smell like someone just drowned in wine."

Unfortunately, it seemed it also ruined our perfect night out. I smiled lightly.

(continues)

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

**Looooooong time no see :D!!**

**It's time to listen from the other side of the story!!!!**

* * *

(Jay's POV)

"Don't you fuckin' touch me!" I frowned, taking his hand away from my face.

Meeting with the horrifying stare, I winced. I tried to step back gaining just a little distance from him. He didn't allow me though, after all aggressively pinned me against the wall then had me in his hold completely. Maybe the shaky glare of mine caught his attention, making the whole situation even more amusing. Jake smirked, with an icy smile on his lips.

_Now I'm damn sure I made the terrible mistake of a lifetime getting on with him in the first place._

"You don't really get it, do you? We're meant to be together, Jason? It's not _FAIR _you just end our romance one-sidedly." Making my skin crawl, he lifted my chin to meet his gaze.

Feeling helpless like a captured prey before the enemy, I hated I couldn't budge an inch. I doubted he would mind the fact for taking a further step right in the spot that we were still inside the arena also somebody might walk in on us at any moment. All I could do was just nervously looking at the door which was unlocked over the younger man's shoulder.

"Better not put hopes upon others. They're all busy dealing their own businesses."

He was probably right. Tonight's Smackdown was still being in the make out there. I could actually hear the roar of the crowd from here. Right at the moment some wrestlers might be preparing themselves for the show, and the others who had had their matches tonight would have headed to the hotel already. Just after taping my match, also, I was going to. As a matter of fact, I was in real haste to get off. I didn't want to stay another second in the same building with this control freak. But this time he was faster standing in my way in front of the locker room, waiting me. He said we needed to talk over things, although I knew it wasn't going to end that well.

Since a few more times after the very first night, Jake has become the worst kind of nightmare. He acted ridiculously obsessed, possessive, even violent; Once he threw everything grabbed by his hands, then he broke his locker with the fist in a rage then yelled -more accurately cursed- at me, yet he hasn't hit me at least by now. Of course I could have fought back against him anytime, I chose not to. I didn't wanna cause any trouble in the company, and I had to admit some part of my pathetic original nature always ending up with those pretty fucked-up relationships. Honestly, I'm quite used to the worst. I guess, maybe I was born to deserve no one better than them.

"Please, we don't need all this now. Jake." I pleaded.

Only with the vague smile on his face, he leaned in then pressed a soft kiss on my lips. Because I thought he would do the least courtesy for me letting it go, I relieved for a second. Shortly I screamed a sharp agony inside of his mouth, tasting my own blood shed from my lower lip. It also trickled down my face with tears. Jake merely snorted pushing my trembling body harder back against the wall. He pulled me into a deeper kiss putting his hand on the back of my neck. When I gasped for breath like for the first time in my life, his hot lips roamed down to my neck biting it remorselessly. I let out suppressed groans with my eyes shut, clenching my teeth in barely endurable pain. Literally, what Jake was doing was nothing but torture.

"Plea...se....Jake.." I begged, with my voice soaked with whimper.

Jake started to gently lick the hurt, as if he wanted to show me he was regretting it. Even though, I knew damn well he wasn't feeling remorse for anything at all.

Feeling the sudden cool air in the room, I opened my eyes. Finding the sight of Chris standing beside the doorway with his eyes wide open filled with stormy anger, my heart just dropped down to the floor. Before I came up with anything in my mind, he jumped onto Jake grabbing his throat nearly choking him to death. Even the much bigger, younger man didn't have time to counter, he just coughed his lung out struggling to free himself.

"You fuckass! Stay the hell away from Jay, get it?" Chris growled a deep roar. Jake just nodded with a pale complexion. As soon as he let go of the younger blond, he ran out of the room without looking back. I stood wordlessly like stupid, just staring at my seem-to-be savior regaining his cool. Though his face was still little reddened and the breath was rough. I had never seen Chris like it before, exploding.

Our eyes met. "You alright?" His sight went down from my swaollen lips to the bleeding neck. Biting his lower lip, he closed his fist as hard as he dig his fingernails down onto the palm. I could say nothing, only escaping his intense gaze. I startled a little when his fingers warmingly brushed my lips.

"I was in control of him, Chris. I could handle it by myself."

_Bull shit._ _I didn't really care whatever he would do to me. It didn't really matter. It has always worked that way._

"I know you could. Sorry." he replied.

_I hate it. I didn't say it to hear his apology. He looks more hurt even than me. It's only confusing. I can't stand this. _

_"_Then you should have let me be." I raised my eyes, met up with his hypnotizing teal blue eyes looking through mine.

_Why always do I have to be a pissy ass? Why not just say thanks to him?_

"But he was hurting you, Jay. God, I saw you crying. I saw the swollen lips, your neck bleeding. I could stand anything other than it........I care for you, Jay." Chris shook his head in trouble.

_Why are you feeling upset for me, Chris? Why you just can't be like any others?_

"I'm not weak or fragile. You're being so overprotective and it's because you're feeling guilty about me. The idea of physically taking advantage of my body is apparently bugging you right now. You don't need to. 'Cuz I'm doing exactly the same to you, using you." I raised my tone a bit.

_Yes face it, Chris. You're fooling yourself to think you actually care about me, like you do to your real loved ones. I'm not worth it._

"I've never...! Jay, I've never thought it the way. What I'm feelin' for you is not only about sex. I'm just concerned that...."

"So, I'm supposed to be only _YOUR_ bitch now?" A shadow of disappointment and frustration passed over his face. I don't know, something made me couldn't stand seeing his look of hurt any longer. I closed my eyes avoiding everything unbearable.

_I shouldn't have chosen Chris as my last trick for HIM._

But it was too late to take all the things back. To say it again, I have to admit some part of my pathetic nature always ending up with these pretty fucked-up relationships. I'm a helplessly self-destructive freak.

(continues)

* * *

**Now it's ONLY going to be a hardcore angst; Don't hate me T_T**

**I don't want them to be suffered, either; (Or ju...just some part of me does)**

**It's evil muses in my head, I guess. Obviously they don't like the fact I'm pairing Jay with Chris, not with them :(**


	7. Chapter 7

**THIS TIME, it goes all back to the time when Jay was in college. **

**It's getting a bit longer than I expected T_T MUCH LONGER, in fact.**

**P.S : I wanna give my special thanks to glamagirl, who's been the biggest supporter of this story!! Love ya!!!**

* * *

(Jay's POV)

"..........Come on, Jay......Wake up."

Someone whispered right in my ear, arousing me from a light slumber. Also feeling something tickling my face, I murmured some nonsense half asleep, still fighting not to rise.

"Jay? Jay, wake up."

In the dark room with a light off, the first thing caught the sight of my obligedly opened eyes was a black form on top of me. Fully weighing down himself against my body, he lowered his face down above mine enough for me to narrowly recognize who the person was. I thought it stopped my heartbeat for a moment.

_Why the hell is he....?!_

"You're supposed to exhale air sometimes to survive, Jay." For my widely opened eyes in astonishment, Adam advised.

I felt dumb not being able to gather witty words out of my fucking useless brain, or just anything out at least. But how could I? The scene engaging him pressing me all down, in the very way of promising preliminaries in particular, was a hell of a lot familiar with my lowest-down fantasies. Believe me, I'm not the one who makes such a fuss about nothing. It wasn't really like the mischievous way we'd done stupid play together millions of times before since we were kids, nor the purely athletic way in the ring where I had recently started training to be a wrestler months ago after him. Really, though? He had no idea that I'd been his secret adorer for years. I could assure I perfectly fooled him doing I'm-only-your-innocent-best-friend role. Whenever I found it too much for me just being with him not be able to tell him how I really felt, I simply turned my face about then kept silent. The rest needs no telling. No way I could tell him. It goes without damn saying he was straight to the bone, dead gone on chasing girls. Of course, they also loved him in great return.

_Just no way...._

All I could do at the moment was trying my best not to panic. I thanked god the room was dark enough to hide my flushed face. Locked in the intense gaze, I desperately struggled to read his mind through the marvelous emerald green. He didn't say anything. Only his piercing eyes were fixed to mine, making my heart race furiously. After long awkward stillness, it finally came to my head that I should have said something being cool.

"......Man, I'm still in recovery. I thought I was still dreaming." I rubbed my eyes letting out a nervous sigh, laughing faintly. He refused to answer.

"I mean, weren't you supposed to be at Cathy's? God, what time is it? Aghhh, I was gonna go back to my room as well, I fell into a doze on your bed instead. Stupid!" I gave him no time to answer. Though, I thought to myself I carried it out pretty well. But, again, no response.

"Hey, now get off. You're making me squeezed to death. Adam, it's no funny at all!" Then I tried to push him off as if I couldn't stand another second being held down by him. He didn't let me, though. Without a word, he grabbed my shoulders firmly, pushing them down with all his strength painfully. It started to scare me a bit. It wasn't Adam I'd known in all my life.

_What the fuck is he d...?!_

"I got a call from Emily on my driving way to Cathy's. And she told me _everything_." Adam finally spoke, emphasizing the last word 'everything.'

_That fucking bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! _

I felt my head just hit hard by a giant sledgehammer. Shaking everything up in my head violently, the blow gave me a loud ringing in the brain, making it could no longer process anything.

_Yeah, she knows the every-damn-thing. _Emily was the worst one whom Adam ever decided to ask out on a date. Before long Adam started seeing her, I found out the ugly rumors about her all to be true. She certainly revealed her true color by attempting to seduce me. Although I wanted Adam to keep the hell away from her, somehow she discovered the darkest secret of mine and threatened to spill it. I had hard time fighting myself with how I could possibly do anything about it. Dramatically, a few days after, the whole wild chaos went back to normal when Adam caught her with another guy in her dorm room. Game over. I just had no idea what on the earth made her mind taking a revenge on me, after all? I didn't know, maybe because she had a bad hair day?

"...Wh....What do you mean? Has she ever told you anything worth listening?" I hoped he wouldn't have listened to her.

"You love me, Jay?"

_I don't deserve any of this. Or yes, I do._

I closed my eyes, refusing to face the next scene. It was what I'd feared the most in this world; losing him forever, permanently expelled from his world, left castoff and deserted. Without him, I would be not long for this world, dying by inch-meal. I felt my eyes getting watery from the back. I expected him to get disgusted, after being betrayed by the best friend who'd been living a complete lie.

"Look at me, Jay. Do you really love me?" His voice was surprisingly calm and determined.

_God, he already passed his verdict upon my unforgivable sin._

I slowly opened my eyes, expecting him to do anything from screaming and yelling to beating the crap out of me.

_God, He's so damn beautiful even till the last moment to see him._

For the last time, I had him greedily fill my vision. However, at the next moment, I felt so vacant losing the image of him with tears running away from my eyes. Altogether, my sight became blurry. When I closed my eyes again, I felt a soft lips on my eyelid kissing it gently.

"............?!" I blinked in wonder, still not believing what had just happened.

"Your look does speak louder than words. I'll take it as a yes." He grinned. Later, his passionate kiss made my head whirl. At the same time, his hands claimed the right over my body, arousing raw sensation which I'd never known ever existing underneath my skin. I would've been lying if I had told you I'd never imagined him being in bed, it hadn't been nothing like it. Every experienced touch of his didn't fail to make me eager for more of him. I totally forgot when to breathe in and out, solely panting and being blown away. His hot lips and tongue roamed the devoted way down from my neck to the chest.

"......God, Ad...Adam...." My hand grabbed the end of his bed sheets urgently, feeling my control getting over the edge. I didn't even realize he almost undressed me already. When he reached my most private part over the fabric of the underwear, I winced. It was moving so fast, not giving me enough time to understand what was really going on with us. I stopped him in the very last second with a shaky hand, before he pull the boxers down.

"Adam, I've...I've never...."

"You're not telling me to stop right here, are you? I know you do want this, too" Adam said sternly, nipping and necking my earlobe. I trembled in pure excitement. Then he slid his hand into my boxers, gripping the erection gave it a hard squeeze, nearly making me screamed out his name. He seemed satisfied with my whimper. He wound up my back tightly with the other arm making me leaning over his upper body, our lips gladly met again. His fingers became much busy doing all the right tricks for my growing desire. As reaching its climax, I moaned like the first time in my whole life. Being soaking wet and utterly exhausted, I rested my forehead on his shoulder slowly catching breath. I still couldn't believe how the things went all at once. I realized his fingers gently stroking the back of my head brushing it. Supporting me in his arms, he laid me down once again on my back facing him on top of me. Ridiculously all of sudden, I blushed my face again meeting up with his eyes, being all naked in front of him. Funny that I didn't while I'd just been making out with him. His fingers came down to my face, lifting my chin before another kiss.

"My turn, now. Jay." He said, shining his eyes. I thought he actually heard me gulp insecurely. For a scared look on my face, he smiled mischievously.

"Is it really your first time? with a man?" I bit my lower lip, nodding lightly.

_Isn't Adam the same with me?_

"Jay, I've wanted this for so long. Don't you tell me you've never imagined how it would feel me inside you. Don't you love me?" He whispered, stroking my thighs skillfully. When his hot tongue touched my inner flesh, I startled. He already knew that I could never say no. Making his all way up toward my dick, he blew a humid and hot breath on my skin, reviving the pleasures he'd given the first time moments ago. Smiling darkly, he placed me before his thighs with my legs spread a little wider. I felt not ready for it. In my head, I still couldn't ease myself at all, though I couldn't word it out to disappoint Adam. I felt all being pushed to the limit.

"Relax. You're also gonna like this." I hissed, when I felt the sudden unfamiliar discomfort inside me. I wrinkled up my brows, breathing out a disturbed groan.

"God, you're fucking sexy making all those sounds. I just can't wait any longer." Despite that I wasn't really prepared for him yet, in the middle of fingering me he said something under his breath, then Adam shoved himself to the root at once causing the great screaming pain I'd never experienced before. For the first few seconds he stopped still, also groaning and cursing my tightness. Then he started moving.

"A...Adam!..It....just hurts, hurts!....it's fucking hurting me!" Feeling close up on a sharp pain penetrating from the very core of my body up to the spine, I burst into a sob. After he slowly began thrusting himself, the pain grew greatly turning it into a swirling pain like tearing up every tissue inside me.

"THIS...this...is so fucking...GREAT, Jay? Just......relax, You'll be....fine, relax." Adam had difficulty continuing words out of his mouth all possessed with the pleasures I was offering. It would never come around my sweet imaginations I'd had about being with him.

"You're such...a cock tease, Jay. If you had told me a million years ago? I wouldn't have met other fucking retards. It's all because of you, you know?" Feeling sticky blood running down over my skin, I felt I could faint away at any second during it. It was only brutal, uncaring. It was killing me inside out. I'd rather beaten up dead in the ring instead.

* * *

"So......., you're now fucking our _poor_ Chris." Adam stepped out of the other room, almost making me flip off the ground. He gave me a puzzling distorted look, with the glassy eyes. Apparently, he seemed secretly enjoyed the live show of Chris and I from the very next room.

"When did you come? I never knew that you have a taste for sneaking around, you creepy little bastard." I grumbled.

"Hey, easy on that. I didn't want to ruin the last perfect moment of the cutest couple. I'm the one who barely made an early flight just to see you." He slowly walked toward the bed shrugging his shoulders. He sat right on the edge facing me, then lightly kissed on my cheeks like greeting. My eyes wide opened in surprise.

_Does he mean any of it? _

"I think this time you picked the right one who can really burn up my competitive spirit. Actually, I could have running into your scene minutes ago. I felt like to. You're all mine from now on, under only one condition." Adam bargained.

_I should feel enthusiased right now. Yes, for right...now.._

I thought to myself, unbelievably feeling numb.

_I just earned my love of life back to be mine. I should...._

"End it for good. It's always me who you want, right?" I simply nodded, being passionately kissed by him for the first time exactly in 6 months and 14 days. I tried hard pushing everything back in my head.

_Maybe it's a guilt that I'm feeling. Because I'm really **sorry** for him._

_(continues)_

* * *

**Surprrrrrrrise?! :P '_the last trick for him_' in chapter 6 was a wicked leak. **

**My evil Adam muse just can't let Jay go;;; T_T**


	8. Chapter 8

**It's been a while =O!!!!!!!!! Sorry for the very late update! T_T**

**I just wanted to make sure if I made Adam evil enough; ha, haha, ha ha ha, ..... Not yet; (only to have a rightful ending)**

**So I'm still working on it; ha, haha, ha ha ha =(**

* * *

(Jay's POV)

"Jay, this is Max. Max, you know Jason already, right?" He definitely had some attraction with quite noticeable features. His well-built body and nicely tanned skin showed he was probably doing more than average work out. As I thought to myself inwardly that he's a kind of stud people just can't forget his face, his eyes glowing with pride, the dark-haired man was examining the look on my face thoroughly. Finding it somewhat overmuch, I turned my face to Adam who also seemed to be surveying my response. I gave him a questioning look in a little confusion. After meeting up here at the bench after my class, we two were supposed to get out of the town having some crazy fun for the night. It had been almost ages since the last time we'd got the golden spare time, not ending up sprawling over the bed at the end of the day after dead-tiring trainings. Testing my own patience not to ask him whether Max was gonna come along with us, I pouted.

"We happened to take the same class last semester. He's playing for the first-string in our college rugby team, Jay." I simply nodded, then trying to figure out whether Adam had ever mentioned him before.

_Never........,_ as far as I remembered. _Strange?_ Grown up together, Adam and I pretty much shared everything; time, family, and even friends. I got to wonder if there's anyone else I still don't know of existence among his friends.

"Hey, I heard a lot about you from Adam." Giving me a perky smile, he indicated Adam with his chin. Though I couldn't tell why, there was something about him making me feel uneasy right at the moment. I tried hard to shake it off of my head yet he was making no disguise of observing me.

_Why the hostility? Maybe he's like..... a really straightforward guy._

"Oh, really? Hope not he didn't talk trash about me, did he?" Cutting my eye sidewise at Adam, I replied. Just then, something on his finger flashing up in the sunlight caught my eyes. "That's a huge gold, by the way. Wow! Is it a ring for best players or something?" Which had a big initialed letter on it, so I figured.

"Yeah, you got it right. From last season. You can keep it if you like." Before even ending his own words, he was taking the ring right away from his finger. I couldn't manage myself to hide the expression on my face. _He must be joking!_

"No, no, no! I didn't say....! I really didn't mean to...!" Though He actually slipped the ring into my hand without hesitation, while I was in a complete daze with my mouth hung open.

"I do want you to have it, Jay." Being stuck for a word, like a moron, all I could do was to keep tuning my head to the other two men's faces one after the other.

"I'm not playing with ya. Just take it. It's nothing." Seriously, he seemed he meant it for real. I looked at Adam kind of amused, just grinning. _Grinning?! Oh, please. What are they possibly planning on with me!!!!_

"Wh....?! Nah, I can't keep this. It's something really important to you, and...! No. It's not because of ...! Come on you know, we do barely know each other. I mean we've just met! I can't have it. Honestly! What are you guys up to?"

For me all stammering and babbling in real puzzlement, they looked at one another exchanging their glances, which made me even more confused. Lastly Adam turned to me who was desperately calling for his help. At the very next moment, without a word he slid in his arms around my waist from the back. He might have immediately felt my body almost startle a bit. I wasn't the one who'd been taking such precautions for our relationship not to be discovered, Adam was. After making a quick lookout around like reflexively, I saw Adam in the eye. It seemed he must have something to reveal in his mind at the moment.

"You are looking at me with those big, frightened-puppy eyes. So it's hard for me to bring it out." He chuckled.

Max helped him. "Jay. It's fair to say we're not close enough yet. But it doesn't mean that we won't get more _intimate _with each other. Isn't that right, Adam?" All of sudden, it came all very clear to me why he brought the guy out to introduce to me in the first place. And why the whole situation felt weird and uncomfortable to me. The look on my face turning hardened and pale, I felt like sick at the stomach right away. Only Adam's tight grip on my waist kept me from jumping off from my seat.

_What he wants is also supposed to be what I want, too. Even so, ...! This is..., it's too much for me._

Clearly, he was being persistent though. The truth is, even some part of me understood him being eager for it. And he was waiting for my call.

I started. "Please, Adam. We've talked about it like so many times. I know you want it badly. But you know, I just can't." At the end of my own words, I nearly felt like crying.

_Why can't he be satisfied just with me? Is it that I'm not enough for him? I need nothing more than just being around Adam. He's the one who has my whole world on a string completely on his own authority._

For me, simply the thought of the scene getting with another man not Adam gave me the real creeps.

_"_Baby. Unless you agree with this idea, I won't put you under any pressure. I laid it merely as a suggestion, Jay. Forget about it, okay?" Pulling me in his arm closer, he tried to ease my tension gently brushing up the bridge of my nose. I'd never seen him being that much tender and affectionate, not so much as in the sweetest moments. Fighting hard to swallow the overwhelming feelings, I approved.

"Yeah, it's alright, Jay. Adam already told me you wouldn't buy this shit. Sorry, if I pushed you too far at the first brush. It's obvious that we got an ass here!" Breathing out a bombastic sigh, Max winked trying to relax me a little. "It's record-breaking, though. Whenever I hit on someone, 100 percent they totally fell for me. Let's leave out the fact that I had to sacrifice tons of my gold every time I attempted." At last it worked that he got me began laughing under my breath. I handed the ring back.

"Ok, then, let's do it all over. Three of us, get outta here, grab a beer or something. Sounds fair enough?" Once Adam proposed, Max and I agreed.

I was feeling much better, still with his warm and loving touch on my back; it looked he doesn't care about catching others' eyes anymore. I thought to myself it might turn out to be a fun night out.

* * *

_I know I'm in a dream. It's nothing but a dream, a nightmare. It's a fucking flashback time. Again._

_But it is so real that I could feel every sense of it reviving from the worst day of my life. And I curse myself can't get over it even for a single night, after all those years passed. __People are supposed to get by with the worst tragedies of their lives, somehow. Aren't they?_

_Sadistic smile vaguely hung over his lips makes me shudder in an extreme terror. Seized with fear to meet the miserable sight, I'm shutting my eyes tightly as if they would never be opened again. Yet tear spreads them apart to make a forceful way out, it's making my eyelids flutter weakly. Overpowering pressure on top of me forces the air out of my lungs leaving me all wet in the sweat for gasping. Though my mind is clear. I'm telling my body to scream and kick out of it, maybe because of alcohol I poured into the back of my throat, it feels impossibly heavy to move my own arms and legs even for an inch bit. I can't even remember how I ended up on this unknown bed. The last thing I remember is that it hurt when I knocked my forehead against the coffee table in his house. It occurs to me that I must have been drugged now. Every touch of his sends me a chill to the marrow of my bones. He keeps telling me that I'm so beautiful over and over again. I'm sure I must have been crying out for Adam to save me. Suddenly, he comes all the way down close to my ear to talk something in whisper. His words utterly disrupt me into pieces._

_I'd rather wish he would have never told the truth. He shouldn't have. _

In an instant, I woke up from the dreadful nightmare drawing a huge deep breath. If it was like always, I would have curled up on the bed sobbing myself to sleep. But when my blurry sight finally adapted to the darkness in the room, I found the least expected person was there by my side.

"Huh......Jeez! You scared the shit out of me!" It worried me a little if I sounded much blunt. That is, he looked surprised and also concerned because of me.

"Sorry. Jay. Never meant to awake you or anything. Baby. Just go back to your sleep. okay? I'm really sorry." His comforting warmth reached my arm. Although I knew it made no sense, I quickly pulled it out of his grip in fear of him seeing right through my mind eventually discovering all the darkest secrets.

_He shouldn't come any closer to me. Neither should I. And.....yeah, and it's for Adam._

"Why didn't you drive home anyway? I told you I'm too damn sensitive to share my bed with anyone." I blurted out as coldly as possible.

Chris remained still and silent. I expected him to be upset or irritated at least. However, he seemed motionless only staring me in the dark instead. I got really nervous to get to my feet crossing the room. I regreted right away to light up the room, as I realized I wasn't ready to encounter with his look of sadness. I bit my lower lip.

"You really want me to go over this, again, Chris? I don't need your after sex cuddling up out of intimacy or affection whatsoever!" I had never thought that hurting other person is also pretty much hurting myself.

"Jay. Listen.......really feel sorry for tonight.......It's just......I don't wanna force you into anything. I'll just be going. Get back to your sleep."

_No I have to end it for good. I have to put a real end to it. As of right now._

At that point I refused to face him anymore, I was looking down on the floor before letting out the worst possible line in my head.

"It's not just about tonight. You've been acting like you're so in love with me. I think It's no more working for me. Chris. I'd rather screw with conscienceless assholes."

_That's it, Chris. Please walk out on me__. I've never been any good for your own sake. Never.... _

After the small sound of door shutting behind me in a while, I collapsed onto the floor, like an empty shell, letting the miserable tear take myself over.

* * *

**I'm SO guilty T_T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Hopefully in this month, I will comeback with the next chapter. LOL**


	9. Chapter 9

**Sorry! I know this update is waaaay overdue T_T **

**OHHHHH Did U guys watch ECW this week? OMG! I loved those two on the same ring!! **

**Couldn't help myself think of slashy moments!!**

* * *

(Jay's POV)

When the phone started ringing, I was awakened to a sense of life after hours of vacancy. I held my breath to catch any kind of sounds in the house till finding myself all alone in the bedroom, more precisely till making sure if Adam was not near around. Because, somehow I knew the caller would be _him_.

Rrrrrrrrr- Rrrrrrrr- Rrrrrrrr-

My heart pounded as if it might dash out from my chest at any second. I felt that it was _him_. I couldn't sit there waiting the ringing to stop. I got up and made hasty way to the answering machine. I reached out my hand for the receiver almost grabbing it right above, though I still couldn't just pick up the damn thing. Then the hesitation led me into realization. I felt dread to admit the truth he was completely occupying my thoughts with worries and distractions. It started on the night after I turned him out of the house in the worst possible way.

_But it was all I was supposed to do. Isn't it?_

Rrrrrrrrr- Rrrrrrrr- Rrrrrrrr-

Receding from it, I sat back on the sofa trying hard to ignore everything. It was a weak struggle to collect the last bit of self-control and I was losing it. Unconsciously I was biting my fingernails again, which was my bad habit since I was very young, clearly showing a feeling of uneasiness. Also curling up with one drawn-up knee and tapping on it was what I do every time I get nervous. At the moment, I couldn't tell what was really wrong with myself. If I'd been waiting his call, I should have picked up the phone. Or just turned it down for Christ's sake. It was that simple. There was no point I couldn't even come near the phone in fear that I might dare to answer it. It was a joke. Finally the ringing ceased. I heard a short machine noise then my message telling a barefaced lie.

_Yeah, it would have been a whole lot better if I wasn't here at home in the first place._

But not long after recovering my composure I thought the phone rang off - at least, as far as I was thinking it, I heard the short beep sound then his very own voice that made me almost choke in the throat. Chris, he was leaving me a voice message.

"Hey, it's Chris. Please, Jay...... Come on, pick it up if you're listening to this...."

Unable to take care of the overflowing emotion I could hardly describe, I put a hand over my mouth. It had been few weeks since I found out his match on that evening had just been canceled in the first Smackdown/ECW taping night after I spitted those horrible words out even sickening myself. Instead, all of a sudden, he decided to join in the company's overseas promotional tour only the day before its departure. Most other guys from the locker room were anxious to know the reason why he changed the schedule so hurriedly. Some of them came to ask me questions to who was supposed to be his best friend if he had any health related issues or so, for those answers I didn't have. But all things made sense to me. It was obvious that simply he couldn't stand me being around him anymore. No wonder even if Chris would never want to see me again, he had every right to be. It was me fucked up the whole thing between him and myself. I ruined what we had ever shared. Although I knew it by head, I couldn't help myself sunk deep into feeling desperate to take it all back. More than I admit to myself, I was missing him ever so much.

"I know I'm your least favorite caller now. I'd be lying if I said I expected you to answer my call. But I have something I do need to talk... about what we had. You must not like what you're going to be told, though......"

He sounded a bit tired, but the voice was lightly quivering in little excitement.

_God, he's doing okay. _

It didn't really matter what Chris would say to me next. No matter what are the bitter words from the revengeful spirit or from the fit of anger, at then I found he was okay.

"I understand you being.... pretty done up with me. Jay, I've done it all wrong. Really, it was all my fault." Hearing what he had just said, I raised my head in surprise. It was nothing like I'd expected.

"Horribly, as you said, I was simply taking advantage of you. At first, maybe..... some part of me might have relieved a little from the fact you wouldn't mind that I'm not gay. And after that, along the whole way, I had been evading every chance to clear it up, using them by way of shameless excuse I guess. I'd never given much thought of hurting what you and I had shared for years,.. the friendship, trust. I was being blind, selfish, also hypocritical.... My actions still gross me out, they're inexcusable."

Gulping back my own tears, literally, I couldn't believe my ears.

_He should be hating me right now. He should be disgusted and sick of me who became the worst kind of asshole._ _Why does he keep blaming himself for what he'd never done?!_

"I should have looked on the feelings I've had for you since the start and faced it. Yet the whole thing was... so confusing I cowardly ran off. Staying out for a while being million miles away from you, finally I came to realize.... Jay. Everything's much clearer now. If these feelings I have for you define myself, .... then I am what I really am. I won't ignore or deny it anymore...... I just can't get rid of the thoughts of you out of my head, Jay. Even in my dreams, all I could see was you..... I think it's now nothing I hold control of. And trust me... God, I tried. I tried so hard to get away from you. But I can't. Jay, babe, are you listening to me? Whenever I tried, the first thing I forgot was only the promise I made to myself to forget you."

I thought something went wrong with my heart. It started beating twice as fast like crazy. As if it was just squeezed by someone in one's hand, overmuch tightness in my chest made me press down a hand to ease the pain away. Not even being able to set myself straight up, it all came down to sobbing my heart out. And I knew exactly what it was about. The way I had felt for someone else, I've felt it before. Only I thought it to be long gone or at least never coming back again.

_That I want Chris._

"I love you, Jay. I know it sounds desperate but.... I just wanted you to know... how I really feel. Soon I'll be back in the states. Please call me if you get this. Call me, Jay."

Up to that moment I finally came to realize, I hadn't had the slightest idea of what I, myself, had been feeling for him. Whenever I was with him, everything seemed right to be in its place, I could utterly rest myself, even the deepest agony below the surface which everyone beside my own never knew that it ever exists. When I was not with him, being away from him, I always felt like there was nothing left inside me to fill the emptiness. Like I was never the whole without him.

The only problem was that I couldn't do anything about it. There was no difference I could make.

_What if I do want him more than I deserve him. Nothing changes._

I covered the face with my hands, helplessly sinking back into frustration which was all familiar to me.

"Sounds pretty corny, huh? I mean, seriously! He made you totally look like a crybaby."

I swear I couldn't sense any indication of someone approaching from the back, till he grabbed my shoulders and pressed them down to force me rooted to the spot. It came hard to myself that Adam might have been there watching it all, while I was completely unaware of his presence.

"Oh, Come on Jay. You believe him? You actually believe that he's in love with you."

Gently massaging the back of my neck and shoulders with his fingertips, he gave a sarcastic twist to his words. Squeezing my eyes shut without response, I thought he might be ready to put much strength on his grip to wring them off at any moment. With his patience wearing thin, he walked around me to stand right in front of my face. Leaning forward, he brought down himself to my level resting his weight upon the arms of the sofa.

"You know what? You're too pathetic. Haven't you come down to earth and face the reality already? And besides all that? You promised me to end this real misery of his, didn't ya?"

Although he kept the evil smile on his lips, making a gesture to ask me for an answer by moving his chin, he seemed greatly irritated to find his words not to be much heard. I just turned my face and dropped my eyes to the floor, escaping from his cold gaze.

"Oh, yeah! For sure, you did. And you should have told me if you needed any help from me. I can do a little favor for you. Do you mind if I let him know the truth that you've been the cheapest slut in this company? About every game we'd been playin' with those good fucks?"

I looked up at him in shock. And apparently, the clear sign of distress put a pleased grin and definite expression of contentment on his face. I shook my head, finding the situation too much for me. Then I felt the tears trickling down my face.

"Jay Jay. You agree that he's never gonna say those sweetest words to you again? Huh?"

"Don't! Don't, Adam! Please. I can stop him by myself. I beg you, please. He's also your friend!" I implored him.

"So you _were_ not a _mute_, at last! Alright, Jay. I won't, if only.... If only you can keep silence to yourself this time."

Before I got to realize what it meant, he roughly ripped open my shirt with force so that the buttons came off everywhere and rolled down the floor. For one short moment, I caught a glimpse of the sinister motive gleaming in his eyes. I knew it could mean only one thing.

"No, Adam! Please don't. Don't do this....!"

I was barely holding the tight grip on the ends of the clothes not to be taken, pleading at my best. For a moment he just stopped to see my shaking figure up and down, giving me a quirked smile about his lips. Violently he snatched me by the neck then threw me to the floor before him. Ramming the back of my head so hard onto the floor, I couldn't even gasp out a scream. With tears all over my distorted face for the buzzing dizziness in my brain and the tingling sharp pains in every sinew and joint in my torso, my back kept bouncing on the floor until he fully weighed me down to put a complete strain on. Though I pushed myself to desperately crawl out of his control, it turned out to be a hopeless protest like always. I've been never the winner when it came down to measure the pure strength against him. And Adam has never been merciful when he found out that I was the weaker one.

"I said, if only you can restrain yourself."

A deep frown formed on his beautiful features, he growled the words out with clenched teeth. The body shuddered when it felt Adam's throbbing desire on my thigh, when he pushed his hips against me. His lips lowered to meet the soft skin of my neck with his teeth touching and nipping it ardently, yet I tried to push him away.

"Please... please don't, Adam! I can't take it anymore."

He stopped still for a moment rolling his eyes sidewise, as if he was a naughty kid thinking other way to make the situation more amusing to himself. The look of satisfaction displayed on his face at long last, after he had my hands tied with the durable belt like he just pulled out from nowhere.

"Then be a good boy, Jay. From now on, I don't really wanna hear any sound."

Tightly constricted with the leather strap, my wrists were hurting every time I moved to free them. Then he suddenly grabbed me by the hair and pulled only to lift my face above, I had to bite the inner flesh in my mouth not to cry out in pain. No more than Adam smirked liking the sight of me did what I was told, kissed me hungrily.

* * *

Dragging myself out of the ring after the match, I was more than ready to throw my body onto the bed and get away from everything to sleep. Pushing an exit door open I stepped into the long corridor in the arena. It was then I saw the man waiting on a bench right in front of my sight. I thought, for sure he stopped my heartbeat for a moment. Less than a second I turned back right away and ran to whatever direction it led me to be. Though it must not be the way to my locker room, it all didn't matter. I thought I heard him calling my name from the back, I couldn't stop running away from him. I just couldn't.

_I should have been damn ready to face him before I ran into him! _I cursed at myself.

But actually, I thought I was prepared. Even before I got to the arena, before when I left my hotel room to be precise, I asked myself if I was ready. Like a retard, I had to make sure of it even by repeating the line which I thought I was going to say to him. I knew it wouldn't be easy that I couldn't help but feel like to be in a tight fix. I might have been startled anytime someone showed up from the corner. Solely, being outside on the ring moments ago, I could find myself at ease.

Finally, I stopped before the other end of the corridor. I didn't care where ever it was. I saw a black door with the sign saying **'**Adamittance to staff members Only.' Now I have no clue what I was thinking. Simply because I needed a quiet space no one would come in, I walked into the room. The room was barely big enough to have one sink and a small locker. Maybe it was a changing room for some staffs at the arena. Pressing lightly on the tight chest, I stood in front the sink. Then I looked into the miserable reflection in the mirror. Like I didn't believe what I saw, I let the fingers slowly wipe out the wetness under my eye.

_Was I crying?_

I started the cold water and splashed my face with it. Back in the mirror, again I saw the expressionless face with reddened eyes. Then behind myself, there was him. Who I missed so much like no one else, though ironically who I should have run away from. Our eyes met in the mirror.

"Somebody told you're here. You alright?"

Hearing his voice like never before, I squeezed the lids over my eyes. All determinations, every promise that I made to myself turned out to be no worth in that moment. All again tears were about to burst out from the back of my eye, even standing in front of him was the hardest thing for me.

How much I had missed him. How much it had been ever torturing me. I finally gave in, admitting it to myself.

_I was such a fool. God, I love him_!

_But how can I possibly do anything about it? How just can I?_

_"_Jay. You alright?"

If it wasn't him, I would have been like it forever as if I had forgot he was there with me. I forced myself to open the eyes and face him.

"Anything other than you, I'm okay."

_When are these all thing going to end?_

I bit my lower lip, clenching my fist. Seeing Chris come toward me, immediately I also tried to turn back and storm out of the room evading him. But he moved faster to take hold of my wrist and blocked the way out. I frowned a little because of the swollen spot under the taping, which I got it from the other night. Meeting my stare, he showed a bitter smile.

"Now we can't even see each other? Now are we..... nothing?" This time, it seemed hard for him to end his own words.

"Not before you finally get out of those tricks your heart playing. It's best for your own good, Chris." Swallowing hard, I thought I could be lost in complete admiration of my own performance. If only it's necessary, I could be the most hateful man for him. "It might be difficult for now, but as time goes by everything's gonna be alright." He hung his head in trouble.

At the same time I asked myself inwardly.

_Can these feelings really just go away?_

I startled, when Chris struck his fist on the locker making a loud banging. I thought I saw his eyes brimming with tears. And I could hardly breathe seeing the dreadful collapse displayed on his face.

"Why? Why does it have to be always you, decide what's the best for me? Please, Jay. Please just let me feel the way I feel. You just can't know this thing in my heart better than me." He pulled my hand and placed it right on his heart, letting me feel its beating in the same speed of mine. I was about to dropping to pieces. I felt I wasn't myself already.

"Please, Chris. Let me go." I requested, almost losing my voice.

It was then he pulled me in, locking me in his arms. With my ear right on his chest, I was able to hear his heart beating furiously. I didn't push him away. I couldn't. I held still in his grip a little while. When I got to realize in the end that I was losing my sense. I got out of his arms, being unable to keep my countenance.

"Okay, I see what it's really about!" As soon as I ended my words, I jumped Chris kissing him passionately.

I felt like it has been for centuries. The old sense of the kiss, the irresistible yearning and ecstatic trance like I'd been brought back to life from death, was something indescribable. And Chris didn't stop me. Without parting away from our kiss, I roughly pushed him till his back to meet the hard wall. Shortly Chris groaned low. Being kissed and caressed wildly, I narrowly reached my fingers to the door handle and locked it. I broke away from him, leaving both of us panting and out of breath.

"What we need is a nice farewell fuck." At then, completely, I lost my control. I felt my tears dripped down from the eyes. I couldn't hide it anymore. Desperately, in a trembling touch, I cupped his face with my hands. And Chris placed his hands upon mine warmly. At last, I became blurred with tears.

"Jay. Why are you doing this to yourself?" His soft voice had the amazing power to soothe me. Slowly collecting myself in a while, I met up with his eyes. He waited all long for my answer.

"I think I needed it, Chris." No more I didn't want to run away from him. To my surprise, it did help me find peace of mind right away. It was that easy. "I thought I needed it. It had to be closure for me."

"I know you're feeling something for me like I do for you. Your eyes and your face have been always telling me the different story. Why just can't be honest with me and yourself? Please stop pushing me away, Jay. Just let me help you." His words were like a magic spell. As if I was hypnotized, our eyes were glued to each other's.

"I think..... I..... I missed you so much. I wanted to see you so bad." Blushing my face a little, I confessed.

"God, Jay! You're adorable. Did you ever know that?"

The dazzle of his smile left me unable to speak for a moment. His face came closer to give me a sweet peck on my lips. As it became a more heated one, I was holding the ends of his clothes with both of my hands the whole time like I would never let go of them. I wasn't really ready to let go of him that much soon.

"What took you so long? Was there something holding you back, Jay?"Placing a tender kiss on my nose making me blink, he asked me.

I stopped for a while, making him now wonder what was really there with me. Still somewhere in my mind, I wasn't sure how could I possibly deal with the consequences that will come after my decision. Though it wasn't something like I can call a decision. There was nothing I can make my own mind up on. I couldn't resist where my heart go. I could never fight it. My darkened face, clearly it made him wear the look of concern.

"It's... No, I just can't tell you, not right now... Would you give some time for me to come back to you? Promise me you'll be waiting for me."

After a moment in his thought, he brushed my cheeck with the back of his hand affectionately. "No matter how long it takes, Jay. I'll be here for you." Holding his hand tightly, I nodded.

* * *

**Yay!!! Finally Jay decided to turn things up a little in his world.**

**But.... OMGT_T What the heck have I done to my Adam!!!!! **

**It was like this; First, I thought I made him evil enough in this story. But, in the next moment, in my head I heard his entrance music saying 'you think you know me' with the evil grin of his!!!!! Then I went back to modifying it again.**

**I think I owed him big time T_T I THINK I SHOULD MAKE IT UP TO HIM LAAAAATEEEEERR!!**

**I had too much thought about the ending.** **Promise U guys I'll finish it up very soon!!!!!! (in the next chapter=D)**


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